My luck didnt last long..

On 20th of March was an exciting day for me. Morning went for class at IACT college and i eft earlier as i wanted to get ready for RECHARGE! Went out from class, went to Aira's house took a shower and changed clothes there. After that waited for Izzat to picked us up. While waiting for Izzat, we were waiting at Malik Maju. Then Alif came. I have no idea how he found me but whatever it is he was upset the way i dressed up and he was upset about the way i dressed up.

I ignored him of whatever he said and Izzat came. In my mind the objective of me going Recharge to enjoy myself with a bottle of beer and just make new friends with cute guys. I arrived at Blanc Club and i felt Gowd! Im 18 this year, and i can make it in.. HAHA.. I went in with Aira, and Izzat. Then i bumped to my old friend, Mimie. He wanted to borrow our IC as he wants to bring the girlfriend in,she was 16. Aira gave her IC and the girlfriend, Alia made it in. Dumb.

12 o'clock and the dance floor was open. We were sitting on the second floor at the long sofa and Mimie bumped to his friend. And that friend of him brought another friend and i must add that he was cute. He looked at me and he smiled. I smiled back. Then he came next to me and sat down and asked me where am i from. I said im from Kota Damansara. You? He said he is from Wangsa Maju. After that i said to him, Hye look,im going to dance. Wanna join? He replied saying i will be down later.

Me,Aira and Alia was downstairs enjoying the music of Trance. Then Mimie was dancing behind me and a whole bunch of guys came to him and shaked hands. Thought it was his friends. He introduced to Alia. After that us 3 dance like a total sexiness and the bunch of guys came and surround us dancing as well. I thought it was just a clean dance. But i was wrong, their objective was something else. And i was trying to escape out, i looked on my right, there was the dreamboat of mine that talked to me earlier. He saw me i was feeling uncomfortable. So he came to while dancing and he slowly pulled me out from the circle. I was like My Hero. Haha..

He asked me are you okay? And i was like yeah.. Thanks. I prefer guys dancing with me without being dirty. So i think he got my point. We were dancing together and i tell you, i felt oh gowd.. He is so cute. Then suddenly he put his arms on my shoulder. I felt okay i guessed. He didnt like put his thing near me so i felt he could be trusted.

Then a guy from the bunch of guys offered his hand to me for a dance. I hold the cute guy's arms to show that i didnt want. He pushed me to the back of him and he said to the guy She's with me. And the guy said, Owh, Sorry bro.. And the cute guy held my arm and asked me again, Are you ok? I was like thanks again.

Then my dream was about to end as Izzat said we are leaving. I felt DAMN! I was about to have another beer with this cute dude. But never mind,he can have my phone number. As i was standing at the entrance,he hugged me and he kissed me on my cheek. He said So i see you on other events? I said obviously just to meet you. Then he said cn i have your phone number? OWH DEAR!! The magic words i wanted to hear. BUT!!! I was so stupid i gave my phone number that was the number i just bought and i accidently gave the last 4 digits wrongly. I only realised going back time. I was like damn it!! I was slapping my head thinking lost it!! Shitness man!! I was cursing inside the car like nobody's bussiness.

So i straight away called Mimie saying that i need that guy's number and you better help me out as i help you out with your girlfriend. He said when he meets him,he will tell. So just hope for it.

As i got home at 4 a.m, my mum came out from the room and said my cat Comel was dying. I straight away cried and i saw her inside the baset not moving. It looked like she was already dead. I slept next to the basket till morning coz when i got up to go in my room i heard her like calling me meow meow. I sat next to her, she kept quiet. So obviouslt she wanted me to be next to her before she go. I cried and cried and cried. Thinking how many years we grew up together. Those memories. I got you when i started schooling and now you are leaving me when im going in college.

Next day i woke up at 2.30 p.m.. I still saw her breathing. I stroked her slowly saying that i love you so much. You are my sister and my friend and my favourite cat. And i went on my mum's bed cracking my back coz it hurts as i was sleeping on the floor next to her. And i said to my mum i wanted to use the lap top. After 5 mins, my mum gave the lap top to me and she wanted to go out from the room. And she called me saying that Comel is gone. I felt my heart thumped down and thinking i didnt get to hear your meow for one last time. I just burst into tears on the floor holding the basket screaming wake up.. But i just had to accept that she was gone.

Rest in Peace my dear Comel.

1999 - 2009

The past is back.

From the post of 'Was it true', i got to found out that it was true. It hurt me alot till i had a breakdown and it broked my heart. I felt ashamed that someone could do something like that to me. I found out from Syafiq's friend Asriq. I chatted with him onYM and i just remembered and thought of a stupid question. The video.

I asked and he was like how did you know? I called him straight away and wanted to know more details. What he told me, hurt me. He told me that syafiq was a playboy and i still remembered Asriq said "Sape yang tak nak balak dia anak dato'? Confirm semua nak. So dia main-mainkan la gurls ni" In my mind, i don't want to believe you! It's hurting me! Enough! But somehow a little few more details he told me was how it was and it was true.

After that i called Syafiq and screwd him up saying how could you? That just make a thousand and one tears! I loved you, I was so happy with you even if we had fights and arguements. I wanted to know your family and friends. Because my family and friends got to know bout you. And all of them said Just be careful. I appreciated everything you did for me. Like coming to Damansara and meet me once or twice a week, taking me out for a walk and around town. I just had so much fun.

I still remember that we will be singing in the car. Each and every car of yours have a memories of us. I still remember you were like singing an old song to me and all the song lyrics was loving you. And our theme song would be from Taylor Swift, Love Story. Your favourite song was from Gym Class Heroes, Cookie Jar. And my song would be Katy Perry, Thinking of you. And you wanted to hug me in the car but i didnt want to as i was busy listening to Jonas Brothers, Lovebug.

Everything i do reminds me of you and hurt me badly deep down in my heart. Everytime i past by the lakeside near Curve reminds me of you cause that was the last place we went and spent time together. So does Rasta, you wanted to watch football. At the lakeside i still remember that you were chasing me as i was running away from you, it was like a princess love story. We watched the sunset together and we were planning to go to Port Dickson just to watch the sunset as I love going to the beach. We were blowing our minds thinking where can we find a hill that we can actually see the stars, the moon, and the whole city.

You were the first one that can carry me like when im running to you and you catch and carry me and while that you were swinging me. It was what i always wanted from a guy. And you did it. That's why i loved you. I also do remember when i called you after i did a 50 minutes Super Saver and i got sleepy. And you were listening to me when i was sleeping. I thought it was a dream when you said I love you Mak cik Bun. Instead of we saying i love you, our type was I cinta you. Everytime i see the stars, i will always think back of the SMS you sent me saying I love all the stars in the sky, but they are nothing compared to the ones in your eyes.

Im missing you.

Results day

Results day was yesterday and it gave a freak out of me man.. For the past few days i even have nightmares of a lot of things.. Maybe i was too scared to face my results.

Then morning came. I still remembered my class teacher SMS-ed me saying results will come put after 10. So i woke up at 9.30.. Bla-bla-bla, arrive school around 10.30. I straight went to the hall and the first 3 people i saw was Ishnee, Eshter and Hani. Gowd.. They look so calm yet they looked blur.. After Norsham gave her stupid speech which nobody actually was listening, she said go to the tables that is written your class and take your results. I felt my heart just thump down at my feet.. GOWD!! First thing i thought to myself where is my bags fill with my clothes? Im ready to hit the road man.

So as i was walking to the table with my mum (she took the effort to take the day off just because of my results day), I bumped to Azlan. I straight away jump as i was damn scared. Then i also bumped to Nini and Shaista. I hugged them and i felt like crying but at the same time i don't know what was my emotions.

We were lineing up to take results and full of screams at the background as for the people already saw their results. I was thinking will i be screaming or crying?

Then it came to my turn to take the slip. I took it and i straight away hide it. I didnt dare look at the results!! Then i saw Azlan jumping up and down. I was like what the hell? No wonder la damn happy... 5 credits. Then i looked at Shaista.

She got 5 or was it 6 credits but she was crying because there was no A's.

So i guess it was my turn. I slowly opened up my slip,and first thing i saw was a 9G. I saw 2 9G's. Then i closed back and i sat on the table thinking SHIT! I got a fail... Why,why,why??????!!! My trials results i didnt have a 9G. Why SPM results i have a bluddy 9G??!! Then my mum was like open it up!! I took the guts to open it and there you are.. 3 credits, 2 pass.. I took 9 subjects. So you do the maths and count how many fails. I was like i wanted to cry but i didnt, i wanted to scream but i didnt. But all i know i was dissapointed cause it wasnt what i was hoping for. My credit was English, Arts and Science(yeah,Science,i didnt notice it at first till my dad asked me what was the credit and i saw Science). My pass was my BM and Maths.

My mum was shocked and asked me why is your BM a 7D?? I was like how should i know?? I was just staring at the slip paper and thinked to myself there must be a mistake. It couldnt be. Why the 9G's?? Trials i didnt have a 9G.. WTF??

Then that night me, Aira and Azlan thought we should celebrate. At least we all got enough credits to get in college. It was true. Mum sent me at Rasta and i had to wait for them bout an hour to arrive. When they arrive thay said pay up your drink, we are shooting off to Al-Safa at Kayu Ara for shisha. The shisha is cheaper and better there. You bet it was better. They used a pineapple cup for the shisha and it tastes heavenly eventho it got me high fast. We were like busy chit chatting there and Azlan wanted to go back as he was kinda high bout the shisha so he walked back home coz it was just near. Then me, Aira and her friend Izzat lepak2 and just chat there till we didnt noticed it was already 2.30 a.m.. So we thought maybe its time to go back home, Even the shisha was finished.

If the bluddy tol matters so much to you, leave!

I knew this happy feeling won't last long. He made me happy yesterday, but today he was suppose to meet me and said he'll be leaving the house at 4. But then i noticed it was raining and i realised that my cat Rexton feel down from second floor and now she is stuck at Ground floor.. on the air cond fan box. And she can't come down. My poor baby,stuck there feeling hungry and cold as it is raining. And the guy that lives in the house is out. *sigh* Looks like i have to wait.

He didn't come and meet me as giving a alasan because of my cat. Actually it was not a big deal. He needed to go back early so i said its fine,we can go out and maybe by the time i come back the guy would be at home already. Then he was like nak bayar tol lagi. In my mind wtf? There you go again with the bluddy tol. It's only RM10 to come and go from Kajang to Damansara.

I still remember you were being damn proud of your father was a V.I.P,so don't tell me a freaking RM10 means something to you? Even my family is a nobody, we still could affort a RM10 and pay for bluddy tolls just to meet someone you care! I swear to god if i have my driving license, i will make the effort to go to Kajang almost everyday just to meet the fucker. Im damn pist off. Another time this thing is going to happen, just say goodbye and we remain as friends!

Could you even imagine that he said that i am a mata duitan kinda girl? I was like what the hell did you just call me and he said it was just a joke. Well, i don't think anyone is laughing! I never even ask anything from his branded wallet,or branded cars,or branded clothes! Im just not that type of girl looking for popularity! Think what? Im that poor and all im doing is searching for rich guys and being a gold digger? Exscuse me, I wasnt born and raised to be like that. I need money, i can get on my own and i will make the effort for it. I wouldnt be asking from anyone else except from my family that also in case of emergency.

What is wrong with you? What were you thinking? What is in your brains that made you think that way? Just because i dont have a branded wallet like you, branded cars like you, branded clothings like you,big house like you or whatever you are better than me, doesnt mean i am fucking gold digger and i respect myself that i never even ask anything from you! Respect me man!

I even remember that you told me once a time ago that a girl just wanted to be with you just because want popularity and being damn proud that she is going out with a son of a V.I.P, do you really think im like that? I don't think so. If im mean, i would have done it a long time ago ok. Please just think about it. Also remember, when you die and when you will be barried to the ground, all the money you got with you is not going to be barried as well with you. So start to give and take.