Stalkers causes problems.

To my dear blog readers, there is one thing i would like to say to you,

I WILL NO LONGER WRITE SHITS IN THIS EFFING BLOG.

 

So Kamal, i know you always follow my blog. Sorry babe. Just call me instead.



P/S: HAPPY? Enough already for crying out loud.

I don't love you like i did yesterday.

Since i have been working at Debenhams, Curve, I just realise i could survive without Alif. Its like i dont have to worry anything anymore! And it also made me realise that i have to move on with or without him.

I have started making friends with this one Chindian guy that is working below me in Nike shop and his name is Mike. He is just the nicest dude i ever met. Sweet that is. And i plan not to be in a relationship with him as i am enjoying the situation we are now. Nothing more in love. Just friends. There are times he would surprise me when im working. He would come to my shop and visit me and disturb me. And we would wait for each other for the bus at the side of the highway.


 

The funny part is, i knew him on the bus. :) Haha! Is just that i see him almost everyday but not every time. We would like bump to each other accidentally. And next thing you know we just found out that our working place is just near by. So we decided to exchange phone numbers and be friends. And im enjoying the friendship.

Alif is just a bullshitter now. He tells bullshits to the people that he hardly hang out with saying that his pay is Rm1000 instead of RM600. I hate bullshitters. I am allergic to them. And even once he told Aira that he saved RM1000. Aira asked where is the money? He said that he finished it all up. Aira thought he spent it on me. Well, hey! I may be expensive but i dont want someone to be spending me RM1000! Alif said he used up all the money to treat his friends and what not. God knows where am i in his *effing* list. Whenever i meet him, he would show his ego with me. Sticking his nose up in the air. Maybe i should stuff something inside his nose instead!

I got so stressed up last night i decided to have a drink at Laundry and Sanctuary with my two dearest babes. Watch a bit of football, that was a jug of Tiger. Later on came the cousin which was the Supervisor or Manager of Sanctuary and Laundry. So he treated us with another jug of beer. I drank like nobody's business as i know next day is my off day. And yup, i got drunk. After second jug i cant remember how many jugs was on the table. By the time we have to get back home, i couldnt walk. At the car Rena was talking to the cousin and i was talking crap with Aira saying i see double Curve. I needed air as i felt like i was going to faint and die there. I open up the door and i vomited. Haha!! There goes the medal of a good drinker!

Im enjoying my life as how i am suppose to. I will not waste another minute of my life with or without you. If its with you, give me space. If its without you, Hey! There's tons of fishes in the sea!

Hancur hatiku...

Oh, hancur hatiku.. sakitnya hati when i look at their pictures together. I wonder why. EEEEEEE!!!! Feels like my heart have been stabbed with full of jealousy! God damn it!! She's like lucky to have a guy like him or whatever shit. OMG.. here i go talking all sorts of nonsense crap! Wish i was in her shoes. Hope you are happy.

To the guy that is at the other side of the world.

Maybe two is better than one.

"Are you still with the guy you are with?"

"Yes i am, are you still with the girl you are with?" I replied..

"Yes i am.. Why are you still with him anyways?"

"Why are YOU still with her?"

"I try not to be"

It's sad to hear this kind of conversation. There are other meaning behind the text. Depends on what we really feel but i know it would never be reveal as we have been good buddies for ages. I told Aira about it and she said it is sad because from her view, we are on seperate ways (on the other side of the world), but deep inside a tiny little love and we could never say it out loud as he has a girlfriend and i have a boyfriend. Dilemma. *Sigh*

Later will be going out with my two lovely babes.. Aira and Rena. Will be having a girl bonding session i guess. Maybe will be heading to Sunway area to have a drink at Asia Cafe.

Countdown!

Ooooo!! This is so exciting! Countdown for this Saturday for Recharge at KL Live. Will be going with mama, and the step dad (mmmhmm...?) and my dearly friends. We even registered ourselves at Recharge Room. And thennnn.... this Sunday, my other baby boo will be coming down from Philippines, Lorena Buealla Menon. My other dearly sister other then Aira. Hope could post up pictures from Recharge. Been a while i havent post up pictures. Damn it!

Job that sucks.

It has been a while i havent been blogging. I have stop college now. As i wanted to take photography course instead but it is very expensive. So i have made a decision i will work for my own money. Currently im working at Golden Screen Cinemas (GSC) at One Utama. Working there at first was ok. But after close to a month, staffs over there start to show their true colours. The supervisor is a pain in the ass. The crew leader i only like one. The other crew leader should go and die. They are rude to customers and staffs. And we become rude, they will scold us saying who do you think you are? How can they lead us if they are showing bad example to us. And if we follow their example, they say we are doing it wrongly.

Example like yesterday, my friend Aira was working at the Gold Class counter while i was working at the box office. I finished one hour before Aira. To me it didnt matter. I could always wait for her. I was standing beside her counter. Then i wanted to call Alif. But he couldnt hear me because i was noisy. So i entered the Gold Class Lounge and sat down at the sofa for a while just to talk on the phone. In my mind maybe its ok because there was a crew leader there as well at the bar. Then the crew leader went out and didnt say anything. A few minutes later, another crew leader from popcorn area came in to the gold class. And she asked me rudely What are you doing here?! I said Huh? Owh, i already finish my work. And she answered Get out! Don't hang out here! Hang out outside! Owh ok, I replied and i went out to Aira. 5 mins after that the gold class phone rang and i was surprise that it was for me. It was the Supervisor, Vicky, Indian woman. She said Who do you think you are to hang out at Gold Class lounge?! Dont you know it's for the customers?? In my mind maybe she saw me from the CCTV. So i said Im sorry, i didnt know that i wasnt allowed to be there.

After that she said And you even put your leg up on the sofa and being rude to the crew leader! You answered her! From there i knew it. She made a complaint about me to the Supervisor. But hello! I didnt put my leg up on the chair and I didnt say anything else to her! I said Vicky, you listen. I didnt put my leg up and i can swear to god for that. I also swear to god i didnt say anything else to her! All i said was owh ok!

Now i how the environment at GSC One Utama. It sucks! Now there are 3 people that is against me. 1) Ali (Crew Leader at Box Office), 2) Vicky (Supervisor) and 3) Hasni ( Crew Leader at popcorn stand). 3 people is more than enough for me to handle!

I have decided to make my resign letter and this coming sunday which is tomorrow is my pay day. While that i will include the vest, name tag and resign letter. I deserve better than all of this. If the environment is great, i will do a great job for that company.

Missing someone?

Okay, something is just not right here. Why have i been dreaming about someone else instead of my own bf? Few days ago i actually dreamt about a friend of mine. Well, obviously he will be reading my blog as he is one of the people that always reads my blog and now what have been going on with me. I dreamt that he was here next to me and we were like together. I mean like in a relationship. Maybe i was upset that it didnt worked out as we were suppose to be that way.. (Or maybe in my dream world eversince 12 years old till now) LOL! But yeah, he is happy with his life, with his studies and with his.. girlfriend.. as he says so. Wonder how it would be if we were together? Hmm.. Chup! chup! Let me imagine it... Maybe it would be fun and obviously what i have always dream on when i was 12 years old becomes to reality.

Last night, i dreamt that i was at uptown with my bf. And i dreamt that we had a fight and he said to get out of his way and just go away. And i did. I cried while walking to my friend, Aira's house. As i was crossing the road, there was this guy was disturbing me and hoping i would ride his car and god knows where he wanted to go. He was pulling my arms. And i was screaming. Then there was another dude came to me and saved me. He asked me if i was ok and asked me where was i going. I kept on crying and i said i was going to my friend's house. He said i will take you there. I said its ok, its only across the street. He parked his car and he walked with me to make sure i was ok. While walking he asked what was my problem. I told him. And in my dream, i felt in love with him. He was a bluddy good looking guy! In my dreams! WOW!! When we were in front of Aira's house, she was with the bf as well. We were sitting down at her porch then i saw my bf came with a bike to me. He was pist off that i just went off like that and he acting crazy there talking to Aira's bf. The guy with me asked me so this is your bf? I said yeah. And he looked at my bf from top to toe and he asked me, how can he not take care of you? After that i thought he wanted to whisper something to me. But i was wrong, he kissed my cheeks! I was totally in love in my dream. I wonder who it was. I wish it would happen in reality and have my princess fairy tale to happen.

Depressed.

Im feeling totally depressed lately and god knows why. Last Friday i got a letter from college about my repeat results and it didn't turn out great. I got an F. A bluddy total F. I didnt know where i went wrong. And looks like i have to repeat my whole sem for that subject again and its gonna cost RM1500. Where the hell am i going to find that kind of money?

For the time being mama is paying for it. But i will be more stressed out as i have to overlap my studies with repeat subject and my sem 3 subjects. Obviously there will be no semester break for me. I also have to face my other repeat subject that is mass communication which i was absent during the exam day. Now mama is forcing me to get a job to so call pay her back her RM1500. Imagine me having a job. By then i think i'll be in rehab because i will be totally stressed out. I have to face my 6 months repeat subject, my current semester subject and also 'the job'. That's just to much for me.

I always wonder whose idea was it for me being in college. If i ever wanted to be in college, all i wanted to do was photography. Not broadcasting. Because i knew that these kind of things will happen and in the end, i will be the one to blame. Its not im blaming mama, i know its the best for me and she doesnt want me to be like her like after form 5, that's it, start working. But what if i actually wanted it to be that way?

Is it possible for me to stop college now as i am scared to take another step foward in college and i have mama to pay all the expenses. Untill when can she tell people she can actually afford to pay all those shit? All i feel like doing now is stop with college and just get a job and just get the money RM1500. Thank god to aunty rose that is willing to help me chip in the money. But it just wont be the same. Yes, she is helping me but.. I dont know.. How many people have i asked for help? I know im not that kind of person.

That's one story. The other story is, im really short of money as i have failed one of my subjects, mama is cutting down my allowance. God know how on earth am i going to survive with my RM16 transport to college and for me to eat. For the time being, im looking at my purse and all i have is RM40. Obviously RM20 is going for the cab. And my class only till afternoon. RM10 for lunch, and what about after that? Balance is RM10. What about dinner? Mama will be coming home really tired from work and she is too tired to cook obviously so i will eat out. I do miss the time when i just come back home and there will be food for me on the table. I envy my friends actually. For example Aira. All she got to do is come back home from college and there's food for her. She doesnt need money for transport as she got her brother to pick her up.

I also do evny my boyfriend, the mom will always cook everyday. Of course the mother is a housewife and she just stays at home. There are times that if i really want to save money i will go to their house and eat. But until when? As Malaysians say, tak tahu malu ke? Is not my house and they are not my family yet i go to their house and eat. Mama is busy working, yes its for us. But there are times i miss the times where she just stay at home, pick me up from college. I also wish college was still at the housing area and its just a walking distance.

My head is totally spinning round and round thinking of a solution. Don't give me advice. Just think of yourself in my shoes for a moment and feel how depressed i am.

LOVE STORY

We were both young, when I first saw you.
I close my eyes and the flashback starts-
I'm standing there, on a balcony in summer air.

I see the lights; see the party, the ball gowns.
I see you make your way through the crowd-
You say hello, little did I know...

That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles-
And my daddy said "stay away from Juliet"-
And I was crying on the staircase-
begging you, "Please don't go..."
And I said...

Romeo take me somewhere, we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess,
It's a love story, baby, just say yes.

So I sneak out to the garden to see you.
We keep quiet, because we're dead if they knew-
So close your eyes... escape this town for a little while.


Cause you were Romeo - I was a scarlet letter,
And my daddy said "stay away from Juliet" -
but you were everything to me-
I was begging you, "Please don't go"
And I said...

Romeo take me somewhere, we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess.
It's a love story, baby, just say yes-

Romeo save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel.
This love is difficult, but it's real.
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess.
It's a love story, baby, just say yes.


I got tired of waiting.
Wondering if you were ever coming around.
My faith in you was fading-
When I met you on the outskirts of town.
And I said...

Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting, for you but you never come.
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think-
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said...

Marry me Juliet, you'll never have to be alone.
I love you, and that's all I really know.
I talked to your dad -- go pick out a white dress
It's a love story, baby just say... yes.

Gtot a problem with it?

SEMPURNA

Kau begitu sempurna
Dimataku kau begitu indah
Kau membuat diriku akan slalu memujimu

Disetiap langkahku
Kukan slalu memikirkan dirimu
Tak bisa kubayangkan hidupku tanpa cintamu

Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa

Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adalah hidupku
Lengkapi diriku
Oh sayangku, kau begitu
Sempurna... Sempurna...

Kau genggam tanganku
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
Kau bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku

Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa

Jealousy?

Wonder why it hurts so much to see you with her even if i have my own guy. Does that mean i still have feelings for you till that it's really hard to forget you. I know i had good memories with you as we never argue much on anything. It was a total wonderland. Yes, i did a mistake. I did regret.. kinda. EEEEE!!!! Damn it!! My hearts beats fast and slow at a time whenever i see your page. I feel like crying.. I feel like cursing everywhere. You even lied. Might never know there was other ways that we could worked things out. Maybe it was just a useless devil told me to do so. Well, that devil is really hopeless coz i didnt achieve anything like what i had in mind! LIAR!