24 February 2009

Don't judge people from the way they look..

Here i am sitting all alone at uptown Yazid cause my friends need to go back home and finish their homeworks. DAMN! Do i miss school. At the moment i am online using my phone and its a total wasting credits. There are times in life i feel regret of not going to school. In a week, my Mirror Bitches gang and my teachers will only see my face 2 or 3 times a week.. I have been skipping school a lot.
When i don't go to school in the morning,at night my usual place will be at Uptown. And now, from where im sitting,a lady wearing tudung with her friends is like staring at me, with this 'who are you' kinda look on her face..
Well,many people have gave me a look like that. I mean come on, you see me here wearing singlet and jeans..shorts maybe,with my striking red hair with a cigarette at my hand picking up full attention of SKL strawberry scent. Is it my fault?
But after a while,when they just sit down and stare at me,many pople passed by and they are the uptown workers. And obviously, they know me,including the guy that plays the guitar in the middle of Uptown steets and Central Market to find money for living. And when they pass by me, they will raise their hands or a hello or they will just yell my name, LYN! And of course not being rude, i will wave my hands as they respect me..not as a customer,but a friend.
As a drinking shop here called Salleh,has their own board saying "Come as a customer, Leave as a friend.".
So as i was saying,after people including this tudung lady saw me and how people greet me and how i am, i will stare back at them and i would smile. And it's a wierd cause after that,they will stop looking at me. But when they want to leave for home, they will take one last look at me and they would smile at me or nod their heads.
Im not saying im damn proud or something, but to the people in the world, never judge a person from the way they look,dress or react. Maybe deep down inside, they are a better person than u expect.

18 February 2009

Valentines day disaster.

Valetines day this year on 2009 was the worst valentines day ever in my whole life.
I don't blame anyone for it tho..After the arguement with Syafiq for the past few days, the valentines day became a disaster.
He came over to my house to pick me up and i thought he was just joking he didnt get me anything. I was just thinking of getting him a nice silver necklace with his name on it..But it was kinda true..he wasnt kidding that he actually didnt get me anything. It hurt me a lot at first. But i tried to play it cool as i tried to understand.
We just went to mid valley and went to eat at the food court there. We past many people that was selling roses and stared at the flowers was all i could do as i stared at him there was no response.I just took a deep breath and thinked to myself, just forget it. The Valentines day was not going to work out.
Mom said she wanted to take me out.So i said to him i need to go back. And he was like asking me to stay longer. To me,its not that i dont want to. I'm hurt deeply with the cuts you gave me on my heart. I just can't stand it anymore that day.
So i went back and i went out with mum. With all of the sudden emergency she had to go online with her darling during Valentines day. I just stared at her thinking,im happy for you mama coz you are happy. And im glad that you don't feel the same way i am like this year. As her boyfriend sent her a bouquet of roses all the way from Canada, thats why i was hoping one from Syafiq too.But i was wrong. :(
Mum sent me to uptown.. and i saw many couple with flowers. And i saw this lady selling roses and i saw a guy bought for the girlfriend and they were so in love. I just cant stand it.I was listening to music from my phone and it had to be the song from Destiny Child's - Emotions. I just had to cry. Thinking what kind of Valentines day is this?? Im totally hurt!
As i was going back. I went to Alif to say that im going back. He scolded me as i said to him i was going Uptown earlier but i didnt. I was late.
To me, GREAT! What's next? Going to hurt me more on this Valentines day?? He said come with me. He took me to the Yazid's store and gave me a paper bag with a half dozen of roses in it. I was happy! But still i was sad coz he scolded me..
But i was thankful to get roses on Valentines day... from a different person that i expected.

13 February 2009

Thinking of you.. - Katy Perry

Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed
You said move on
Where do I go
I guess second best
Is all I will know
Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test
He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself
Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into...
You're the best
And yes
I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the lesson's learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you should know
Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...

12 February 2009

Maybe my heart is still unavailable.. Maybe,maybe..

Maybe my heart is not meant for you.Maybe it's still meant for him.Maybe that's why i feel we are far seperated.Maybe that's why my feelings for you has just fade away like the winds.Or maybe im just not being myself when im with you and i pretend to feel comfortable.Maybe there are things that you do makes me so hard to trust you and believe you.Maybe that's why there are times i have to lie myself and say i love you even i think i didn't mean to.
Maybe i am not the girl for you..

10 February 2009

Was it true?

Yesterday was my first arguement with Syafiq.
I went to OU with Are-Ai then he said he will pick me up at 8 or 9. There i was wasting my time at OU. Then i realise it was 7 already. So i said to Are-Ai why don't we go Uptown then she said she needs to go back home so i thought why don't i just stay at her house first while waiting for Syafiq to pick me up.
Soon, i was getting hungry and i still didnt eat my medicine as i have sinus problem that need me to stop smoking. BABI.
I called him up as it was 8.30 and then he said he will be picking me up at 10. I thought better i just went back home!
So.... i waited and waited... he picked me up at 10 something and i was so not in the mood as i recall what my ex said that he ask me did i do a free show in the web cam with a Kajang dude. So i was so upset of that coz it wasnt true!
So i use to ask him a long time ago did he just pick up a video and showed to his frends and somehow got to my ex as he is staying at Kajang as well?
he said no.
But somehow it still bothers me till today so i had to ask him again last night. To me, since i wasnt in the mood better ask while i have the time..Not a very ggod time tho.. So we argued in the car. BLA,BLA,BLA. Then he said Fine,if you dun trust me then dont! So i was in the ego mood as well but still tears came down even i promised him i will not cry. But what the hell la right.
But hours later we were ok la... I do trust him but wonder what my ex meant?

04 February 2009

The voices of her heart

I realised that it has been a month i broke up with Alif. I do miss him badly and i still do love him but i just can't accept him after what he did to me. I know i have cheated on him twice,maybe this was his revenge or something. But to me he was the only one.
Somehow another person showed up into the picture and he was an old friend of mine, Mohd Syafiq. He will try to do anything just to make me happy, and i want to thank him. He is currentlly studying so he is kinda busy with his classes. But he will make the effort to meet me.






Its really wierd coz there he is ready to take me along with him for a new journey but still i want to just stay put where i am now and think back of my problems and the sadness of what Alif did. Maybe i still love him? But i can get better than him and its already infront of me.
Everywhere i look will make me remind of Alif. And everytime i insist hanging lepaking at Uptown just by myself. And i dunno since when i can just sit at the table by myself. But i feel more comfortable as i needed time alone to just day dreaming all the way long thinking back of the memories of me and Alif and thinking i do love him but why can't i accept him back? Also if i be with Syafiq,i know he will make me happy but what about the times that i feel lonely as he will be busy with classes?
Why am I still unhappy??