At last my baby is free! He stop working from Yazid's steakhouse already. First coz he sed that he want's to study for his SPM and also finally he has time for me now. But we promise each other not to meet that often coz we are scared that it will happen like before. Like we meet everyday and we got bored of each other.

He slept over at my house recently. We slept like only this morning that was at 8 a.m. Then we woke up at 4 something. Ehehe.. Now we just got back from Uptown. Hang out with Easther just now. Talking bout life and all. I know. Nothing else to talk about. Also we were like talking bout my parents. My daddy at Sabah n my mum is here so is like arguements everyday. Its kinda sad to see my mum cry everyday. Also we still suspect that my dad still have an affair with a Sabahan girl. Swear to god if i ever get to know who is the girl, its Riot time for her. Im just gonna kill her and make her suffer with my bare hands!

Spoiling people's family... Not just a family. A happy family in every way. Currently listening to Family Potrait by Pink. I just like that song coz its like based on my story. Also sometimes i listen to Because Of You by Kelly Clarkson.

Daddy, this is for you..

To me is just sad that it's been 3 months i haven't met Daddy. At times i just cry because i feel like im living in a world without a father. At first i know he was behind me, supporting me to move on in life then with all of the sudden... He just went missing.. To me, every child needs the Father's Love. I miss you daddy.. Please im begging you to come back and fill the empty space in the house. Mummy is feeling lonely.. Im feeling lonely. I cry whenever i see kids with their daddy's hugging and having fun time together.

Ya at the moment im crying while typing all these shits.

Daddy, if you are reading this, izzit because the 'girl' you don't wanna come back? I really hope you wwill be back for raya. Most important is i hope you will be here for my birthday.

I miss you daddy.

New hair and loving it...

I just rebond my hair today..

It looks nice. Cost me RM200.. There goes all the money Shamir gave me..

LOL..

What made you think that i didn't cam whore? Baby highlighted his hair. He looks better actually..

We did our hair at Kampung Pandan. He only numb his ass for like almost 2 hours. i NUMB my ass for 3 bluddy hours!!

My baby's new hair. Love it! I chose the colour. But no worries, after my birthday our hair is gonna be in Pink colour!

Sleepy yet had a fun time. It was worth it.

Owh swear to god i had fun time last night! It was like a heaven of shuffle! I went to Baze Club coz there was a shuffle competition. I went with Mumy, Baby, Afiq, Abg.Sam and Beat Attack group. It seems that Nini and Fatimah was there. Well, we plan to meet there anyways.
LOL!
So we left the house at 9 i think coz before 10 is free... But we were too late or somethink, we had to pay. Mumy sed it doesnt matter. She dun have to go in. Only me and abg sama nd the gang goes in. It was just fine for me. :)

In the car..

The two babes of mine.
Nini and Fatimah

Well, my baby got to try on Fiq's reflectors!

Is it so obvious that i am desperate for it?

Sporting mum in da world people!
Tell me which mother ever allows her to go clubbing... With her!

This was after the competition. We all total cam whored outside!
Everyone was like masuk air time la kayh!

This is my baby's bestie, Afiq known as Apito. First picture ever with him!

Afiq said that the hotel should change its name.
It should be called Mirror Hotel coz everywhere we turn have mirrors.

This is the end of the pics..
By just looking at it, i could tell that i will be going again next week!

Ok...because of this event last night, i couldn't do my exam. All i did was sleeping in the class. We went out from Baze at 2 something then we went makan at Uptown. It seems that Abg Sam likes Fatimah. Lol! Notty Abg Sam.
Today i had accounts exam. Paper 1 was ok but paper 2 i did what i got to know and while waiting for answers or somebody to help me, I slept already. I woke up 12.30. Paper finishes at 12.45. Wonderful kan?

Say ok lyrics...

I am in love with this song coz it is just what i want in my relationship.

You are fine

You are sweet

But I'm still a bit naive with my heart

When you're close I don't breathe

I can't find the words to

I feel sparks

But I don't want to be into you

If you're not looking for true love

No I don't wanna start seein' you

If I can't be your only one

[Chorus]

So tell me when it's not alright

When it's not OK

Will you try to make me feel better?

Will you say alright? (say alright)

Will you say OK? (Say OK)

Will you stick with me through whatever?

Or run away

(Say that it's gonna be alright. That it's gonna be OK)

Say OK.

When you call I don't know if I should pick up the phone every time

I'm not like all my friends who keep calling up the boys, I'm so shy

But I don't want to be into you

If you don't treat me the right way

See I can only start seeing you

If you can make my heart feel safe (feel safe)

Chorus]

When it's not alright

When it's not OK

Will you try to make me feel better?

Will you say alright? (say alright)

Will you say OK? (Say OK)

Will you stick with me through whatever?

Or run away

(Say that it's gonna be alright. That it's gonna be OK

Don't run away, don't run away)

Let me know if it's gonna be you

Boy, you've got some things to prove

Let me know that you'll keep me safe

I don't want you to run away so

Let me know that you'll call on time

Let me know that you'll help me shine

Will you wipe my tears away

Will you hold me close and say

[Chorus]

When it's not alright

When it's not OK

Will you try to make me feel better

Will you say alright? (say alright)

Will you say OK? (Say OK)

Will you stick with me through whatever?

Or run away

(Say that it's gonna be alright. That it's gonna be OK)

Say OK

(Don't run away, don't run away)

(Say that it's gonna be alright. That it's gonna be OK, don't run away)

Will you say OK

(Say that it's gonna be alright. That it's gonna be OK)

Desicions, desicions, desicions!

I just came back from Uptown. I had a
fight with Aliff earlier. I think it was just a small matter but it became bigger. So in the end, i wrote him a letter saying that i want him to change coz
his SPM is like coming soon! I don't want him to fail his exams.. I mean like
how will his results be? He gotta do his best so its easier for him to get a job
in the future. There are times i feel like dropping it coz he is not taking it
seriously like it was a long time ago before i couple with Edy.

Talking bout Edy that bargero of mine..Not
mine, whoever's one lah! But he was in my history. That's all i know.
Lol..

As i was saying, i think it is true that
the girl that is so Indon look is his girlfriend.

OK OK! I admit i am JEALOUS!! Happy?? But i must remind myself that he no longer cares for me and
don't wanna get involve with love with me. That dick. Should have just cut it
off. He fcuked me, he tasted it, and now this. Also there are times i feel like
moving to Sabah. At least over there nothing can make me remind me of Edy. But i
can't leave, what about Aliff? I don't wanna break his heart again. But
seriously, if i was still single, i'll be ready searching a school at Sabah ;
leave everything and get a fresh start.

Now bout school.. Hmm... it's like a chain
don't you think? A problem leads to another. School... Now is freaking final
exams. I am just scared that i can't do it. But i seriously want to go for perdagangan coz it's not because i want everything to be simple. But my SPM
results. Yes it is simple.. but what if i stay at sub science class and i can
maintain the results is OK for this year. What about next year? I am thinking
about my future. If next year i don't do it properly, i will get rainbow colours
on my SPM sijil. It is easy for girls 2 get job but i want more than that. I
wanna do arts. I wanna see how far can i go for my creativity in
life.

I discussed with my mum. She just don't
understand me, She keep on saying don't think negative. I think in this kind of
situation, i have to think that way so i could be ready in everything i do. But
she just doesn't agree with me. What should i do?

God help me..

Scars remind me that the past is real.

There are times that
you just need to move on and get the it over with the old
memories..

Even they say it is
hard to erase and replaced. Yes it is true. I have faced it many times.. But
only once there is a deep pain coz i got played.

My mother always say a
break up is like taking a knife and cutting your hand. Yes it will bleed ; and
it hurts if the cut is deep. Right after that the pain will fade away slowly ;
it will take time but it will fade.

Everything will be
gone, but not the scar.

The scar will remain
there forever so it could remind yourself of what you have been through, all the
pain, all the joys. Also it will remind you not to do the same mistakes
again.

Until now, even i have
a cure for the scar, there are times the stitches open up, let you feel the pain
and tears coming down on our face. Also if you don't cure it, it will remind you
again and again what was the cause of the scar.

Now im trying to move
on with life. As it suppose to be, enjoying my sweet 16. But i know,the scar
will fade away and everything will be okay.

People around me.

There are times that you just need friends instead of family. And there are times, friends makes you more happy. But both family and friends won't make you feel lonely. Whenever i have a problem, these will be the people that i face to. For instant after a relationship, i will surely get hurt. And they will comfort me. I am proud to have found the right friends around me.

I am just hoping that every fight we had, every laughter that we had, will be forever..

Friends Forever! <3

I just faced a challenge of life.. :(

B slept over at my house last night. We were like watching tv, playing with the kittens and all. Nothing happen. Sooner later we got hungry the we cook maggee for ourselves. LOL..

Today woke up in the morning, went to school, blablabla.. Finally Rena came. She had to do her BM exam. But while i was in the class, i notice something.. I could tell there will not be Mirror Bitches anymore as everyone gossiping and bitching one another.

But the war has started for Rena and Ishnee... I just thought we all use to be best friends and we just like... you know, sama kepala kinda thingy...

Well.. Those were my closest Mirror Bitches and i love them just the way the are. But it seems that there are times that we all need a change.. I could understand the changes of life.

Enough with the drama now.. Now for the anger part. I want to go for Recharge!!! I want it to be as my birthday present coz dat ting is like on the 27 October. My birthday is on 23 October. I have been thinking to go with Nini instead if mumy don't wanna bring me.

Swear to god i wanna go!!

The second thing is that Bargero seriously want to kena from me. I ask for my RM50 back after his car accident donkey months ago. So i just hink he doesn't have the balls to meet me or something he said he wants my account number so he will just transfer the money.. Wtf la keyh. I said what is wrong with you? I just want my money not your balls lay dei!

So he was fine with it. Now im just waiting for it. It is time for me to realise that i can't keep on being so sweet to him. He won't feel anything! I am the one that is so going under stress!! Also he can even message Rena and say that he will not care bout me anymore and he ask Rena to help him find a girlfriend.

Of all the thing in the world! Goodness.. Luckily is fasting time or else a total every tut word will be here. Rena also another problem, still had the nerves to ask me You going P.M ah?

My grandmother's foot la im going to p.m. Pretending all of it never came into my life so i could just move on!

Why is the world so cruel?

A day at Yazid Steakhouse, Uptown

Goodness grief! I am so freaking tired working! Well, i didnt actually work la but i was just helping them out. Berbuka puasa at uptown just now then mumy left me and sed i could hang out. Like its what i do every single day. B was like saying sorry to me many times coz he didnt show up after school.. I was like whatever lah B..

After mumy left me as usual, i will be busy smoking the hell out of me..

It is what i do everyday behind my mumy's back.Yeah she knows but she wants me to just stop it. Even she is horrified by just touching an ashtray. So Lame. LOL!...

I am going to Klang tomorrow dunno what shit my mumy wana do there. You know what?

Swear to god im sleepy and hungry. I think im going for sahur then im going to hit the bed... ZzZzZzZzz......

The Dream..

How the hell did i forget the tell you the time that i just had a freaky dream!

As the people who are close to me, they will surely know who is Intan the Secret Recipe gurl so broken english.. And still wanna so call gurl fight with me. That: is another bitch. (Why do i have so many bitches in the world?) Intan's bf is my pet brother, Adam, and she so call thinks i am soooo in love with Adam! She's a nut. Nutter than a nut! LOL!

I dreamt that i was infront of Intan's face screaming and fcuking her ass off. Then she pushed me. I totally hate that! So i slapped her face yet she pushed me again. I was on the top already so i punched her!! Ahh... Such a wonderful dream.. It's like a dream come true!

She fell down and i was standing behind her pulling her hair and punching her face again and again. In the end i think she died. Good for her la.. May she rest in peace.

Intan was not the only one in the dream, Mr. Fucker was there too! (Edy). He went to Intan and was like sad la there kan. He sed actually all these while, he was dating Intan behind my back when we were togehter and Intan have been dating Edy behind Adam's back.

I know.. it's like what the hell rite?

From there i dreamt that i was slapping his face.. Again.. and i punched his face once coz in the dream, he totally hurt me!

Never expected that a person could actually HURT me.

I mean like after all the memories we made..Gowd. How can i face my birthday as it was suppose to be our 7 month of anniversary?

Bargero!

But my heart is still in confusion as i still can't get over him. I am suppose to like not talk to him. Whenever i miss him, i will remind myself the scar he left at my heart..

Only he knows where the heart came from..

Yup.. You broked it.. You broke the one that was in my heart.

I tore the one that you gave me.

The Bitch of the season!

Gowd im so feeling stressed up! Went to school, yada2. Rena sed she was still at Ipoh coz her uncle past away.. dunno whether izzit just a cover line cemerlang or what. As for BM paper just fcuk the world la kay. part 1 was ok but part 2 go die la!

After school, B was suppose to come at 12.30. I waited like a dodol there for him but he didn't! There are just times he is so like EDY! But in the end i went back home.

Erm.. I was watching Final Destination 3. Scared the hell out of me. Was enjoying the movie with some KFC's. LOL! After that it was a one whole hour of TOTALLY SPIES!! Yay! (sooooo wtv!)

Then this is the time for me to open d lap top and just enjoy my evening.. until i open Edy's page. GOWD! There is one motha fucka i TOTALLY HATE! God know's why but to me, she's just a piece of indon woman la kayh. Feel like punching her ass off. Bitch. Once, i message her at myspace asking whether she is Edy's gf and she replied as bitchy as she could that is so not bitchy to me saying 'Why do you wanna know?'

Hell i wanna know! I think you were the cause of us breaking up! Who knows. She's just a piece of shit and fake that thinks she is a shuffler.

Wait! On second thought, why don;t i just put her picture in here so all of you could see her indon kind of look! (Hopefully i don't get a virus in my blog!)

Nguahahahhahaa!!

With a few edits of mine... Totally hate her!

Lol! I am so proud of my aartwork at this indon face. At least she looks more... INDONISH!!

Lol!!!!!

I so love my bitchyness.. Thanks to my gang that raise me up to be a good gurl...

But still i felt a pinch of jealousy when i saw what this pukimon send a comment to edy saying this..

"mizsing u lor dear...wah....ramai gal?noty yeh!majok ar i cmni...r u serious o not ni nk hang out..?sure nk amek me kt umah kn?i wait 4 u k dear... "

one thing this woman dunno how this guy handle girls.. It's like a piece of dirt where he can just fuck for 4 5 months and leaves! Also i have been thinking, he told me he is not ready for relationships, but what the fuck is this la kayh?

Something must be going on between them. But i swear to god, he won't be happy with any other girls after me. After how i treated him,after what i have done for him. He still owes me RM50 for the car accident he was involve! I paid the bluddy bills. Could you imagine a person that is 21 years old that just can't think further but yet he still wants to take the next step!

My Baby Cowboy!

Now is bluddy 4 o'clock in the morning. Fasting time of the month again.. Gowd! I just have too much sins to be fasting!

LOL! Went to uptown just now to surprise B whiler he was working.. I pity him cause he sed the place was just too crowded and he can't stand the situation. There were like only 3 freaking staff taking care of the shop tonight.

But it was ok.. There was a few minutes for him to spend time with me and take pictures!

This is my Baby cowboy!

Love you Baby!

Him

I wrote this when i was on the plane all alone on the way to penang....
This is my life..My love life..I get scolded every single day.He doesnt appreciates me.He lies to me..He keep secrets from me.Maybe he has another gurl..While im chasing him I always thinkWill i be his gurl if i own the world?Im waiting for him..Like a stupid girl..I should leave hhim..He can always live without me..But i love him..I dont know whether he loves me.How can i make him understand me?All he does is hanging out with unknown girls..I mean like eho the f**k are they??Who the f**k am i to him??All he care is about his pet sister.That is also known as my bes friend.I don't blame it on her..If she has a small cut at her finger,he will cry..But if i get it by a car,he doesnt give a f**k bout me!!Why am i still suffering like this??By getting scolded every single day.Im still waiting for the day to come...The day he will care for me and love me again..But i hink that's a never..He has changed..I cut my hand because of him.I have tears drop every minute because of him.I can't eat because of him.I can't sllep because of him.All i do everyday is think about him.Eventhough he scolds me everyday and he doesnt care bout me.I miss the old him..I miss my old boo....

Lonely

What is love?Love is something very fragile that everyone needs.It is very fragile that only words can break it into pieces..tiny pieces..People can know when the person is in love.Your heart beats faster and slower at the same time,Undescribable words by saying I Love You,You think you only think of him/her when you are awake..but you were wrong..They are still in your dreams.Promises were made..Little tears would make the partner guilty as they think they didn't do their part.But that was the start.
Later in the relationship will be worst.As more tears reaching down to earth..Each partner uses their own way to settle an arguement; by thinking it will be fine by the end of the day..If it's this way,everything will be over before the sun rises again.Yes it's hard to forget that someone who always been there for you.Day and night off with wet pillows and boxes of tissues.What's the use?All these while we just never realise when the sweet moments changed to disaster and wars.The problem was solve..We actually never been loved..

It's what u call L.O.V.E

The day you left me, I was stained with sorrow and sadness. My eyes were red with grief. You were a part of me, so when you left, I felt like I lost one of my lungs and breathing became harder. aha. All my thoughts start to spin and my sound mind starts to sink. I can't function, I can't figure out how to handle the situation...Mind in a maze, blowing up haze, I had no clue as to how I would survive the next minute of my life without hearing your voice, smelling your mucuk smell or feeling the soft touch of your lips.

But now I'm cured, sterilized from your love and finally at peace baybeyh. Yes, I still do miss you, I still do love you every counting days that I live. I did my part and got my chance to tell you how much I still bla bla bla, you've heard it already. Did everything to bring you back in my arms and even beg you to come back. no no no it didnt work. Maybe thats just enough for me to see clearly with my eyes. Gut-wrenching and heart breaking hope that you'll return to me someday wont be my reason to move on. I learned it the hard and long way before. Been through the valley of love. I wont shake my emotions up and make it more bubbly, no no no. I'll stir it while I ponder what to do next. Right now I'll worry about the present, not the past, not the future. I'll follow my own lead. A young kid has found the one thing that can hurt her the most. And for that, knowing her true weakness can only make her stronger.Thank you for showing me how to love.

This was all sweet memories of me and a guy that i trully loved, Mohd Hafify.

Hmm... ya la.. finger fuck.. to me,u fucked me and u left me. It hurts like my pussy la k,