Desicions, desicions, desicions!

I just came back from Uptown. I had a
fight with Aliff earlier. I think it was just a small matter but it became bigger. So in the end, i wrote him a letter saying that i want him to change coz
his SPM is like coming soon! I don't want him to fail his exams.. I mean like
how will his results be? He gotta do his best so its easier for him to get a job
in the future. There are times i feel like dropping it coz he is not taking it
seriously like it was a long time ago before i couple with Edy.

Talking bout Edy that bargero of mine..Not
mine, whoever's one lah! But he was in my history. That's all i know.
Lol..

As i was saying, i think it is true that
the girl that is so Indon look is his girlfriend.

OK OK! I admit i am JEALOUS!! Happy?? But i must remind myself that he no longer cares for me and
don't wanna get involve with love with me. That dick. Should have just cut it
off. He fcuked me, he tasted it, and now this. Also there are times i feel like
moving to Sabah. At least over there nothing can make me remind me of Edy. But i
can't leave, what about Aliff? I don't wanna break his heart again. But
seriously, if i was still single, i'll be ready searching a school at Sabah ;
leave everything and get a fresh start.

Now bout school.. Hmm... it's like a chain
don't you think? A problem leads to another. School... Now is freaking final
exams. I am just scared that i can't do it. But i seriously want to go for perdagangan coz it's not because i want everything to be simple. But my SPM
results. Yes it is simple.. but what if i stay at sub science class and i can
maintain the results is OK for this year. What about next year? I am thinking
about my future. If next year i don't do it properly, i will get rainbow colours
on my SPM sijil. It is easy for girls 2 get job but i want more than that. I
wanna do arts. I wanna see how far can i go for my creativity in
life.

I discussed with my mum. She just don't
understand me, She keep on saying don't think negative. I think in this kind of
situation, i have to think that way so i could be ready in everything i do. But
she just doesn't agree with me. What should i do?

God help me..