Tak sama macam luar negara!

Kau pikir Malaysia ni macam luar negara ke yg ko boleh klua umah and tak kunci pun pintu. Bukan tahap pintu, gate depan, grill pintu. Aku tau la aku, Aira ngan Wahizul ada kat umah. Tapi kalau dibuatnya ada perompak nak rompak umah ni tak ke seronak dia melompat2 depan umah aku? Mesti dia pikir tuan umah ni mesti mengalu2kan aku rompak umah dia ni.. Aku ada parang. Ha! Ape nak menjawab!!


Dah la kalau aku klua g college, then aku balik umah tgk dia dah xder. Dia bayar bil elektrik umah ni ke? Ngan lampu ngan kipas x tutup. Igt automatic ke dia akan tutup sendiri. Mak aku tak bising pulak. Tapi kalau aku, dia memekak, seminggu tak habis cerita. Aku bukan nak mengungkit.. BUT ITS NOT FAIR!!!

BITCH!!

Anyone told you that you're a bitch? Say what? No one? Well, let me the fucking first one to tell you that you are a fucking BITCH!, Bitch!

Because of you,i had to be caught up in all sorts of bluddy things which there was a lot simple way to do my freaking assignments but what did you want me to do? A two times kind of work! A work that i already passed it up to you, and you could just edit and put it all together own your own but no, you told me to do the whole fucking thing again!

Because of you, i can't even hang out with my mum! DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW FUCKING STRESS I AM?! Thinking of a way to tell my freaking dad that to me now only realise that he has a freaking daughter waiting for him to come back to KL just to be with the family that my mother will be engaged soon!

What else is more to come? I wonder why in other groups i don't feel fucked up when it comes to group assignments but when it comes into a group with you, i don't even have a fucking minute for myself even if i want to shit!

I also thought that you will be a good friend of mine in college, but i was wrong. It turned out you are a fucking bitch of mine in the list! Just because you are older than all of us, you need to be pushing us around? Maybe it's because of your freaking attitude that our class turned out to be a lil racist and saying things about malays.

I think i already cooled down by saying all these shits about a FUCKER in class.

No offence.. It's life baby. Just accept it.

BITCH!

My luck didnt last long..

On 20th of March was an exciting day for me. Morning went for class at IACT college and i eft earlier as i wanted to get ready for RECHARGE! Went out from class, went to Aira's house took a shower and changed clothes there. After that waited for Izzat to picked us up. While waiting for Izzat, we were waiting at Malik Maju. Then Alif came. I have no idea how he found me but whatever it is he was upset the way i dressed up and he was upset about the way i dressed up.

I ignored him of whatever he said and Izzat came. In my mind the objective of me going Recharge to enjoy myself with a bottle of beer and just make new friends with cute guys. I arrived at Blanc Club and i felt Gowd! Im 18 this year, and i can make it in.. HAHA.. I went in with Aira, and Izzat. Then i bumped to my old friend, Mimie. He wanted to borrow our IC as he wants to bring the girlfriend in,she was 16. Aira gave her IC and the girlfriend, Alia made it in. Dumb.

12 o'clock and the dance floor was open. We were sitting on the second floor at the long sofa and Mimie bumped to his friend. And that friend of him brought another friend and i must add that he was cute. He looked at me and he smiled. I smiled back. Then he came next to me and sat down and asked me where am i from. I said im from Kota Damansara. You? He said he is from Wangsa Maju. After that i said to him, Hye look,im going to dance. Wanna join? He replied saying i will be down later.

Me,Aira and Alia was downstairs enjoying the music of Trance. Then Mimie was dancing behind me and a whole bunch of guys came to him and shaked hands. Thought it was his friends. He introduced to Alia. After that us 3 dance like a total sexiness and the bunch of guys came and surround us dancing as well. I thought it was just a clean dance. But i was wrong, their objective was something else. And i was trying to escape out, i looked on my right, there was the dreamboat of mine that talked to me earlier. He saw me i was feeling uncomfortable. So he came to while dancing and he slowly pulled me out from the circle. I was like My Hero. Haha..

He asked me are you okay? And i was like yeah.. Thanks. I prefer guys dancing with me without being dirty. So i think he got my point. We were dancing together and i tell you, i felt oh gowd.. He is so cute. Then suddenly he put his arms on my shoulder. I felt okay i guessed. He didnt like put his thing near me so i felt he could be trusted.

Then a guy from the bunch of guys offered his hand to me for a dance. I hold the cute guy's arms to show that i didnt want. He pushed me to the back of him and he said to the guy She's with me. And the guy said, Owh, Sorry bro.. And the cute guy held my arm and asked me again, Are you ok? I was like thanks again.

Then my dream was about to end as Izzat said we are leaving. I felt DAMN! I was about to have another beer with this cute dude. But never mind,he can have my phone number. As i was standing at the entrance,he hugged me and he kissed me on my cheek. He said So i see you on other events? I said obviously just to meet you. Then he said cn i have your phone number? OWH DEAR!! The magic words i wanted to hear. BUT!!! I was so stupid i gave my phone number that was the number i just bought and i accidently gave the last 4 digits wrongly. I only realised going back time. I was like damn it!! I was slapping my head thinking lost it!! Shitness man!! I was cursing inside the car like nobody's bussiness.

So i straight away called Mimie saying that i need that guy's number and you better help me out as i help you out with your girlfriend. He said when he meets him,he will tell. So just hope for it.

As i got home at 4 a.m, my mum came out from the room and said my cat Comel was dying. I straight away cried and i saw her inside the baset not moving. It looked like she was already dead. I slept next to the basket till morning coz when i got up to go in my room i heard her like calling me meow meow. I sat next to her, she kept quiet. So obviouslt she wanted me to be next to her before she go. I cried and cried and cried. Thinking how many years we grew up together. Those memories. I got you when i started schooling and now you are leaving me when im going in college.

Next day i woke up at 2.30 p.m.. I still saw her breathing. I stroked her slowly saying that i love you so much. You are my sister and my friend and my favourite cat. And i went on my mum's bed cracking my back coz it hurts as i was sleeping on the floor next to her. And i said to my mum i wanted to use the lap top. After 5 mins, my mum gave the lap top to me and she wanted to go out from the room. And she called me saying that Comel is gone. I felt my heart thumped down and thinking i didnt get to hear your meow for one last time. I just burst into tears on the floor holding the basket screaming wake up.. But i just had to accept that she was gone.

Rest in Peace my dear Comel.

1999 - 2009

The past is back.

From the post of 'Was it true', i got to found out that it was true. It hurt me alot till i had a breakdown and it broked my heart. I felt ashamed that someone could do something like that to me. I found out from Syafiq's friend Asriq. I chatted with him onYM and i just remembered and thought of a stupid question. The video.

I asked and he was like how did you know? I called him straight away and wanted to know more details. What he told me, hurt me. He told me that syafiq was a playboy and i still remembered Asriq said "Sape yang tak nak balak dia anak dato'? Confirm semua nak. So dia main-mainkan la gurls ni" In my mind, i don't want to believe you! It's hurting me! Enough! But somehow a little few more details he told me was how it was and it was true.

After that i called Syafiq and screwd him up saying how could you? That just make a thousand and one tears! I loved you, I was so happy with you even if we had fights and arguements. I wanted to know your family and friends. Because my family and friends got to know bout you. And all of them said Just be careful. I appreciated everything you did for me. Like coming to Damansara and meet me once or twice a week, taking me out for a walk and around town. I just had so much fun.

I still remember that we will be singing in the car. Each and every car of yours have a memories of us. I still remember you were like singing an old song to me and all the song lyrics was loving you. And our theme song would be from Taylor Swift, Love Story. Your favourite song was from Gym Class Heroes, Cookie Jar. And my song would be Katy Perry, Thinking of you. And you wanted to hug me in the car but i didnt want to as i was busy listening to Jonas Brothers, Lovebug.

Everything i do reminds me of you and hurt me badly deep down in my heart. Everytime i past by the lakeside near Curve reminds me of you cause that was the last place we went and spent time together. So does Rasta, you wanted to watch football. At the lakeside i still remember that you were chasing me as i was running away from you, it was like a princess love story. We watched the sunset together and we were planning to go to Port Dickson just to watch the sunset as I love going to the beach. We were blowing our minds thinking where can we find a hill that we can actually see the stars, the moon, and the whole city.

You were the first one that can carry me like when im running to you and you catch and carry me and while that you were swinging me. It was what i always wanted from a guy. And you did it. That's why i loved you. I also do remember when i called you after i did a 50 minutes Super Saver and i got sleepy. And you were listening to me when i was sleeping. I thought it was a dream when you said I love you Mak cik Bun. Instead of we saying i love you, our type was I cinta you. Everytime i see the stars, i will always think back of the SMS you sent me saying I love all the stars in the sky, but they are nothing compared to the ones in your eyes.

Im missing you.

Results day

Results day was yesterday and it gave a freak out of me man.. For the past few days i even have nightmares of a lot of things.. Maybe i was too scared to face my results.

Then morning came. I still remembered my class teacher SMS-ed me saying results will come put after 10. So i woke up at 9.30.. Bla-bla-bla, arrive school around 10.30. I straight went to the hall and the first 3 people i saw was Ishnee, Eshter and Hani. Gowd.. They look so calm yet they looked blur.. After Norsham gave her stupid speech which nobody actually was listening, she said go to the tables that is written your class and take your results. I felt my heart just thump down at my feet.. GOWD!! First thing i thought to myself where is my bags fill with my clothes? Im ready to hit the road man.

So as i was walking to the table with my mum (she took the effort to take the day off just because of my results day), I bumped to Azlan. I straight away jump as i was damn scared. Then i also bumped to Nini and Shaista. I hugged them and i felt like crying but at the same time i don't know what was my emotions.

We were lineing up to take results and full of screams at the background as for the people already saw their results. I was thinking will i be screaming or crying?

Then it came to my turn to take the slip. I took it and i straight away hide it. I didnt dare look at the results!! Then i saw Azlan jumping up and down. I was like what the hell? No wonder la damn happy... 5 credits. Then i looked at Shaista.

She got 5 or was it 6 credits but she was crying because there was no A's.

So i guess it was my turn. I slowly opened up my slip,and first thing i saw was a 9G. I saw 2 9G's. Then i closed back and i sat on the table thinking SHIT! I got a fail... Why,why,why??????!!! My trials results i didnt have a 9G. Why SPM results i have a bluddy 9G??!! Then my mum was like open it up!! I took the guts to open it and there you are.. 3 credits, 2 pass.. I took 9 subjects. So you do the maths and count how many fails. I was like i wanted to cry but i didnt, i wanted to scream but i didnt. But all i know i was dissapointed cause it wasnt what i was hoping for. My credit was English, Arts and Science(yeah,Science,i didnt notice it at first till my dad asked me what was the credit and i saw Science). My pass was my BM and Maths.

My mum was shocked and asked me why is your BM a 7D?? I was like how should i know?? I was just staring at the slip paper and thinked to myself there must be a mistake. It couldnt be. Why the 9G's?? Trials i didnt have a 9G.. WTF??

Then that night me, Aira and Azlan thought we should celebrate. At least we all got enough credits to get in college. It was true. Mum sent me at Rasta and i had to wait for them bout an hour to arrive. When they arrive thay said pay up your drink, we are shooting off to Al-Safa at Kayu Ara for shisha. The shisha is cheaper and better there. You bet it was better. They used a pineapple cup for the shisha and it tastes heavenly eventho it got me high fast. We were like busy chit chatting there and Azlan wanted to go back as he was kinda high bout the shisha so he walked back home coz it was just near. Then me, Aira and her friend Izzat lepak2 and just chat there till we didnt noticed it was already 2.30 a.m.. So we thought maybe its time to go back home, Even the shisha was finished.

If the bluddy tol matters so much to you, leave!

I knew this happy feeling won't last long. He made me happy yesterday, but today he was suppose to meet me and said he'll be leaving the house at 4. But then i noticed it was raining and i realised that my cat Rexton feel down from second floor and now she is stuck at Ground floor.. on the air cond fan box. And she can't come down. My poor baby,stuck there feeling hungry and cold as it is raining. And the guy that lives in the house is out. *sigh* Looks like i have to wait.

He didn't come and meet me as giving a alasan because of my cat. Actually it was not a big deal. He needed to go back early so i said its fine,we can go out and maybe by the time i come back the guy would be at home already. Then he was like nak bayar tol lagi. In my mind wtf? There you go again with the bluddy tol. It's only RM10 to come and go from Kajang to Damansara.

I still remember you were being damn proud of your father was a V.I.P,so don't tell me a freaking RM10 means something to you? Even my family is a nobody, we still could affort a RM10 and pay for bluddy tolls just to meet someone you care! I swear to god if i have my driving license, i will make the effort to go to Kajang almost everyday just to meet the fucker. Im damn pist off. Another time this thing is going to happen, just say goodbye and we remain as friends!

Could you even imagine that he said that i am a mata duitan kinda girl? I was like what the hell did you just call me and he said it was just a joke. Well, i don't think anyone is laughing! I never even ask anything from his branded wallet,or branded cars,or branded clothes! Im just not that type of girl looking for popularity! Think what? Im that poor and all im doing is searching for rich guys and being a gold digger? Exscuse me, I wasnt born and raised to be like that. I need money, i can get on my own and i will make the effort for it. I wouldnt be asking from anyone else except from my family that also in case of emergency.

What is wrong with you? What were you thinking? What is in your brains that made you think that way? Just because i dont have a branded wallet like you, branded cars like you, branded clothings like you,big house like you or whatever you are better than me, doesnt mean i am fucking gold digger and i respect myself that i never even ask anything from you! Respect me man!

I even remember that you told me once a time ago that a girl just wanted to be with you just because want popularity and being damn proud that she is going out with a son of a V.I.P, do you really think im like that? I don't think so. If im mean, i would have done it a long time ago ok. Please just think about it. Also remember, when you die and when you will be barried to the ground, all the money you got with you is not going to be barried as well with you. So start to give and take.

Don't judge people from the way they look..

Here i am sitting all alone at uptown Yazid cause my friends need to go back home and finish their homeworks. DAMN! Do i miss school. At the moment i am online using my phone and its a total wasting credits. There are times in life i feel regret of not going to school. In a week, my Mirror Bitches gang and my teachers will only see my face 2 or 3 times a week.. I have been skipping school a lot.

When i don't go to school in the morning,at night my usual place will be at Uptown. And now, from where im sitting,a lady wearing tudung with her friends is like staring at me, with this 'who are you' kinda look on her face..

Well,many people have gave me a look like that. I mean come on, you see me here wearing singlet and jeans..shorts maybe,with my striking red hair with a cigarette at my hand picking up full attention of SKL strawberry scent. Is it my fault?

But after a while,when they just sit down and stare at me,many pople passed by and they are the uptown workers. And obviously, they know me,including the guy that plays the guitar in the middle of Uptown steets and Central Market to find money for living. And when they pass by me, they will raise their hands or a hello or they will just yell my name, LYN! And of course not being rude, i will wave my hands as they respect me..not as a customer,but a friend.

As a drinking shop here called Salleh,has their own board saying "Come as a customer, Leave as a friend.".

So as i was saying,after people including this tudung lady saw me and how people greet me and how i am, i will stare back at them and i would smile. And it's a wierd cause after that,they will stop looking at me. But when they want to leave for home, they will take one last look at me and they would smile at me or nod their heads.

Im not saying im damn proud or something, but to the people in the world, never judge a person from the way they look,dress or react. Maybe deep down inside, they are a better person than u expect.

Valentines day disaster.

Valetines day this year on 2009 was the worst valentines day ever in my whole life.

I don't blame anyone for it tho..After the arguement with Syafiq for the past few days, the valentines day became a disaster.

He came over to my house to pick me up and i thought he was just joking he didnt get me anything. I was just thinking of getting him a nice silver necklace with his name on it..But it was kinda true..he wasnt kidding that he actually didnt get me anything. It hurt me a lot at first. But i tried to play it cool as i tried to understand.

We just went to mid valley and went to eat at the food court there. We past many people that was selling roses and stared at the flowers was all i could do as i stared at him there was no response.I just took a deep breath and thinked to myself, just forget it. The Valentines day was not going to work out.

Mom said she wanted to take me out.So i said to him i need to go back. And he was like asking me to stay longer. To me,its not that i dont want to. I'm hurt deeply with the cuts you gave me on my heart. I just can't stand it anymore that day.
So i went back and i went out with mum. With all of the sudden emergency she had to go online with her darling during Valentines day. I just stared at her thinking,im happy for you mama coz you are happy. And im glad that you don't feel the same way i am like this year. As her boyfriend sent her a bouquet of roses all the way from Canada, thats why i was hoping one from Syafiq too.But i was wrong. :(

Mum sent me to uptown.. and i saw many couple with flowers. And i saw this lady selling roses and i saw a guy bought for the girlfriend and they were so in love. I just cant stand it.I was listening to music from my phone and it had to be the song from Destiny Child's - Emotions. I just had to cry. Thinking what kind of Valentines day is this?? Im totally hurt!

As i was going back. I went to Alif to say that im going back. He scolded me as i said to him i was going Uptown earlier but i didnt. I was late.

To me, GREAT! What's next? Going to hurt me more on this Valentines day?? He said come with me. He took me to the Yazid's store and gave me a paper bag with a half dozen of roses in it. I was happy! But still i was sad coz he scolded me..

But i was thankful to get roses on Valentines day... from a different person that i expected.

Thinking of you.. - Katy Perry

Comparisons are easily done

Once you've had a taste of perfection

Like an apple hanging from a tree

I picked the ripest one

I still got the seed

You said move on

Where do I go

I guess second best

Is all I will know

Cause when I'm with him

I am thinking of you

Thinking of you

What you would do if

You were the one

Who was spending the night

Oh I wish that I

Was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian summer

In the middle of winter

Like a hard candy

With a surprise center

How do I get better

Once I've had the best

You said there's

Tons of fish in the water

So the waters I will test

He kissed my lips

I taste your mouth

He pulled me in

I was disgusted with myself

Cause when I'm with him

I am thinking of you

Thinking of you

What you would do if

You were the one

Who was spending the night

Oh I wish that I

Was looking into...

You're the best

And yes

I do regret

How I could let myself

Let you go

Now the lesson's learned

I touched it I was burned

Oh I think you should know

Cause when I'm with him

I am thinking of you

Thinking of you

What you would do if

You were the one

Who was spending the night

Oh I wish that I

Was looking into your eyes

Looking into your eyes

Looking into your eyes

Oh won't you walk through

And bust in the door

And take me away

Oh no more mistakes

Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...

Maybe my heart is still unavailable.. Maybe,maybe..

Maybe my heart is not meant for you.Maybe it's still meant for him.Maybe that's why i feel we are far seperated.Maybe that's why my feelings for you has just fade away like the winds.Or maybe im just not being myself when im with you and i pretend to feel comfortable.Maybe there are things that you do makes me so hard to trust you and believe you.Maybe that's why there are times i have to lie myself and say i love you even i think i didn't mean to.

Maybe i am not the girl for you..

Was it true?

Yesterday was my first arguement with Syafiq.

I went to OU with Are-Ai then he said he will pick me up at 8 or 9. There i was wasting my time at OU. Then i realise it was 7 already. So i said to Are-Ai why don't we go Uptown then she said she needs to go back home so i thought why don't i just stay at her house first while waiting for Syafiq to pick me up.

Soon, i was getting hungry and i still didnt eat my medicine as i have sinus problem that need me to stop smoking. BABI.

I called him up as it was 8.30 and then he said he will be picking me up at 10. I thought better i just went back home!

So.... i waited and waited... he picked me up at 10 something and i was so not in the mood as i recall what my ex said that he ask me did i do a free show in the web cam with a Kajang dude. So i was so upset of that coz it wasnt true!

So i use to ask him a long time ago did he just pick up a video and showed to his frends and somehow got to my ex as he is staying at Kajang as well?

he said no.

But somehow it still bothers me till today so i had to ask him again last night. To me, since i wasnt in the mood better ask while i have the time..Not a very ggod time tho.. So we argued in the car. BLA,BLA,BLA. Then he said Fine,if you dun trust me then dont! So i was in the ego mood as well but still tears came down even i promised him i will not cry. But what the hell la right.

But hours later we were ok la... I do trust him but wonder what my ex meant?

The voices of her heart

I realised that it has been a month i broke up with Alif. I do miss him badly and i still do love him but i just can't accept him after what he did to me. I know i have cheated on him twice,maybe this was his revenge or something. But to me he was the only one.

Somehow another person showed up into the picture and he was an old friend of mine, Mohd Syafiq. He will try to do anything just to make me happy, and i want to thank him. He is currentlly studying so he is kinda busy with his classes. But he will make the effort to meet me.

Its really wierd coz there he is ready to take me along with him for a new journey but still i want to just stay put where i am now and think back of my problems and the sadness of what Alif did. Maybe i still love him? But i can get better than him and its already infront of me.

Everywhere i look will make me remind of Alif. And everytime i insist hanging lepaking at Uptown just by myself. And i dunno since when i can just sit at the table by myself. But i feel more comfortable as i needed time alone to just day dreaming all the way long thinking back of the memories of me and Alif and thinking i do love him but why can't i accept him back? Also if i be with Syafiq,i know he will make me happy but what about the times that i feel lonely as he will be busy with classes?

Why am I still unhappy??